RENT: Difference
Sep. 20th, 2006 09:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
find_rightbrainTitle: Difference
Characters/Pairing: Benny/Alison, mention of Roger, Mark, Collins and Mimi
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG
Summary: Benny wonders sometimes what would have happened if he'd never married Alison.
Notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanfic100 prompts #82, #21, #2, #5, and #83, and speed_rent challenge #235. Also, somehow, for once, I wrote Benny/Ali where Alison is not a bitch, and Benny is totally in love with Ali. This is new, and it makes me go aww.
Disclaimer: I don't own Rent, Benny, Alison, or... any of the other characters. Thank you.
Benny wonders sometimes what would have happen if he'd never married Alison. Or if, rather, he'd never met her, because it seems somehow that from their first meeting everything that came after was predetermined. From the moment he'd caught sight of her, pale, delicate and cold except when she smiled, sun on a winter day, his future was set in stone. But if that had never happened, if somehow he'd taken no notice of the pretty blond girl in his dance class, with her perfect grace and chilly smile... things would be different now. Different. Better, though, he's not sure.
He never would have left the loft, would have been right there alongside Mark, needling Roger to leave, to live again. "You have to get out of the house," Mark said, and Benny would have stood there, frowning at Roger and taunting gently, "Come on, how long are you going to sit here in self-pity?"
He could almost see Roger's expression in response to that, sardonic smile with half a glare. Could also see nights that would have been spent sitting beside Roger, trying to reason with him, get him to see sense, the same way he'd always done.
He'd be with them on the lot on Christmas Eve – or whenever someone decided to build something there, because if he hadn't done it, someone else would. He'd be standing with his friends at Maureen's protest, cheering and mooing and happily flipping off the cops and the yuppies, not standing with those "yuppie scum", one of them, trying to look serious and disapproving when he felt neither. He'd be there in the middle of the crowd, Collins' arm draped around his shoulder, friendly and familiar, Mimi bouncing beside him, and close enough to hear Mark's camera whirring softly.
He'd be with them at the Life Cafe, grinning and laughing and egging Mark on, watching the rest of them in amusement while trying to stay out of the general insanity until Maureen inevitably pulled him to his feet to dance with her or some thing. He'd be getting yelled at by upset waiters like the rest of them, he'd be part of them, in that comfortable, safe, sheltered feeling of "us", instead of sitting on the outside, watching while trying to placate Ali's father and the investors, a couple tables and half a world away from them.
All of these things would have happened if he had never met Alison, never married her. Sometimes he thinks he'd be happier that way, things would be better. Maybe he'd be freezing and starving in a loft with no heat, but it hadn't been that bad. Then again, maybe things are brighter in memory. And all of that could only have happened if he'd never married Alison, never met her. And seeing her smile, that sun-from-behind-the-clouds-smile, he decides that it's okay those things didn't happen. Because without Alison, things would be different... but not better.
Characters/Pairing: Benny/Alison, mention of Roger, Mark, Collins and Mimi
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG
Summary: Benny wonders sometimes what would have happened if he'd never married Alison.
Notes: Written for
fanfic100 prompts #82, #21, #2, #5, and #83, and speed_rent challenge #235. Also, somehow, for once, I wrote Benny/Ali where Alison is not a bitch, and Benny is totally in love with Ali. This is new, and it makes me go aww.Disclaimer: I don't own Rent, Benny, Alison, or... any of the other characters. Thank you.
Benny wonders sometimes what would have happen if he'd never married Alison. Or if, rather, he'd never met her, because it seems somehow that from their first meeting everything that came after was predetermined. From the moment he'd caught sight of her, pale, delicate and cold except when she smiled, sun on a winter day, his future was set in stone. But if that had never happened, if somehow he'd taken no notice of the pretty blond girl in his dance class, with her perfect grace and chilly smile... things would be different now. Different. Better, though, he's not sure.
He never would have left the loft, would have been right there alongside Mark, needling Roger to leave, to live again. "You have to get out of the house," Mark said, and Benny would have stood there, frowning at Roger and taunting gently, "Come on, how long are you going to sit here in self-pity?"
He could almost see Roger's expression in response to that, sardonic smile with half a glare. Could also see nights that would have been spent sitting beside Roger, trying to reason with him, get him to see sense, the same way he'd always done.
He'd be with them on the lot on Christmas Eve – or whenever someone decided to build something there, because if he hadn't done it, someone else would. He'd be standing with his friends at Maureen's protest, cheering and mooing and happily flipping off the cops and the yuppies, not standing with those "yuppie scum", one of them, trying to look serious and disapproving when he felt neither. He'd be there in the middle of the crowd, Collins' arm draped around his shoulder, friendly and familiar, Mimi bouncing beside him, and close enough to hear Mark's camera whirring softly.
He'd be with them at the Life Cafe, grinning and laughing and egging Mark on, watching the rest of them in amusement while trying to stay out of the general insanity until Maureen inevitably pulled him to his feet to dance with her or some thing. He'd be getting yelled at by upset waiters like the rest of them, he'd be part of them, in that comfortable, safe, sheltered feeling of "us", instead of sitting on the outside, watching while trying to placate Ali's father and the investors, a couple tables and half a world away from them.
All of these things would have happened if he had never met Alison, never married her. Sometimes he thinks he'd be happier that way, things would be better. Maybe he'd be freezing and starving in a loft with no heat, but it hadn't been that bad. Then again, maybe things are brighter in memory. And all of that could only have happened if he'd never married Alison, never met her. And seeing her smile, that sun-from-behind-the-clouds-smile, he decides that it's okay those things didn't happen. Because without Alison, things would be different... but not better.