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find_rightbrainTitle: Where Nobody Knows You and Nobody Gives a Damn
Characters/Pairing: Dan and Gabriel, mention of Diana, Natalie, and Madden
Word Count: 713
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One of these days, Dan's going to have to stop paying attention to Gabriel, but now he's all he has left.
Notes: Written as a birthday fic for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cameraneverlies. Yeah, it's creepy and angsty, but you don't give me specifics and this is what happens. So... um... happy birthday? (Warning: There is mention of suicide in this fic, there's mention of character death, and much more creepiness than my Gabe usually has.) I also used the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
itsproductivity prompt for July 9, 'cause... it helped.
Disclaimer: I do not own Feeling Electric, because if I did, it sure as hell wouldn't be stuck with a dumb title like Next to Normal.
He never should have grown up. Any sane person can see that, but every now and then Dan has to say it just to remind himself. Otherwise it becomes almost normal, otherwise he forgets... And if you forget these things, you end up losing your grip on reality, you end up slitting your wrists or overdosing or something because really, what could it hurt?
You just have to remember that your fantasy is a fantasy, your imaginary friend... your imaginary son... isn't really there. Respect the delicate ecology of your delusions. Dan knows all of this.
It is very, very hard to remember when Gabriel's standing right in front of him, and so often more real and solid than Dr. Madden, or any other of the very few people Dan actually speaks to these days. Certainly more real than Diana - gone almost five years - or Natalie, who died a year ago of an overdose Dan has never convinced himself was unintentional, even if Gabriel says otherwise. So the son who only lived an hour past his birth is his only family left, real or not.
The bed doesn't move when Gabriel sits down on the edge of it, opposite Dan, but somehow he knows he's there, even with his back turned. He always knows when Gabe's in the room - it's a faint prickle on the back of his neck, a feeling of his breath being stolen by a sudden cold but without the chill. It's unmistakable.
"Hey, Dad?"
Dan hesitates for a moment, and then rolls over to see Gabriel sitting there, sandy blond hair flopping into his eyes as he leans forward. Dan's always wondered, since he started seeing him the day Diana left, if he ought to tell him to cut his hair, but it seems silly when he's not really... real. Some voice in the back of his head always tells him that if he doesn't like the way his figments look, he should do a better job of imagining them.
"What?"
It's hard to see his eyes beneath his too long bangs, blue eyes that remind him so much of Diana's, but Dan thinks he can see a spark of something in them, though whether it's concern or calculation or something else, he's not sure. It's not easy having an imaginary friend whose intentions are never clear.
"You had an appointment today."
"Did I? What day is it?"
"The twelfth." It's always baffling how Gabriel knows answers to questions Dan doesn't. He figures it's just his subconscious throwing up things he can't get to consciously, at least Madden always tells him that, but it never gets less unsettling. "Are you going?"
Dan frowns at Gabriel for a second, shifts a little to lie on his back, and stares at the ceiling. He can't see Gabriel out of the corner of his eye now. He can only see him when he looks straight-on, and it's decidedly unsettling. He's still there, just semi-transparent, more of a ghost than usual. "I don't know."
He pauses, frowning, and says after a moment, "I don't think I can move."
At the exact same second, Gabriel says, so his voice makes an eerie counterpoint to Dan's words, "Or is this a bad day for moving?"
They're both silent for a second, and then Gabriel shifts a little. Dan turns so he can actually see him, and finds Gabriel sprawled out on his stomach on the bed, head turned toward Dan on his folded arms. "Well, good. You know I don't like him anyway."
Dan smiles faintly, a little bitterly. He knows better than to listen to Gabriel's suggestions. That's how Diana ended up almost dying for... he doesn't even remember what time that was. That's how Natalie ended up dead, when Gabriel told her a little more to numb the pain couldn't hurt. It starts with him saying not to talk to Dr. Madden, and ends with a razor held to his wrist, blood on the tile floor and no one to clean it up.
One of these days, he really ought to stop paying attention to Gabriel. But today, and tomorrow, and for a while longer, he knows he's going to keep on listening.
Characters/Pairing: Dan and Gabriel, mention of Diana, Natalie, and Madden
Word Count: 713
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One of these days, Dan's going to have to stop paying attention to Gabriel, but now he's all he has left.
Notes: Written as a birthday fic for
cameraneverlies. Yeah, it's creepy and angsty, but you don't give me specifics and this is what happens. So... um... happy birthday? (Warning: There is mention of suicide in this fic, there's mention of character death, and much more creepiness than my Gabe usually has.) I also used the itsproductivity prompt for July 9, 'cause... it helped.Disclaimer: I do not own Feeling Electric, because if I did, it sure as hell wouldn't be stuck with a dumb title like Next to Normal.
He never should have grown up. Any sane person can see that, but every now and then Dan has to say it just to remind himself. Otherwise it becomes almost normal, otherwise he forgets... And if you forget these things, you end up losing your grip on reality, you end up slitting your wrists or overdosing or something because really, what could it hurt?
You just have to remember that your fantasy is a fantasy, your imaginary friend... your imaginary son... isn't really there. Respect the delicate ecology of your delusions. Dan knows all of this.
It is very, very hard to remember when Gabriel's standing right in front of him, and so often more real and solid than Dr. Madden, or any other of the very few people Dan actually speaks to these days. Certainly more real than Diana - gone almost five years - or Natalie, who died a year ago of an overdose Dan has never convinced himself was unintentional, even if Gabriel says otherwise. So the son who only lived an hour past his birth is his only family left, real or not.
The bed doesn't move when Gabriel sits down on the edge of it, opposite Dan, but somehow he knows he's there, even with his back turned. He always knows when Gabe's in the room - it's a faint prickle on the back of his neck, a feeling of his breath being stolen by a sudden cold but without the chill. It's unmistakable.
"Hey, Dad?"
Dan hesitates for a moment, and then rolls over to see Gabriel sitting there, sandy blond hair flopping into his eyes as he leans forward. Dan's always wondered, since he started seeing him the day Diana left, if he ought to tell him to cut his hair, but it seems silly when he's not really... real. Some voice in the back of his head always tells him that if he doesn't like the way his figments look, he should do a better job of imagining them.
"What?"
It's hard to see his eyes beneath his too long bangs, blue eyes that remind him so much of Diana's, but Dan thinks he can see a spark of something in them, though whether it's concern or calculation or something else, he's not sure. It's not easy having an imaginary friend whose intentions are never clear.
"You had an appointment today."
"Did I? What day is it?"
"The twelfth." It's always baffling how Gabriel knows answers to questions Dan doesn't. He figures it's just his subconscious throwing up things he can't get to consciously, at least Madden always tells him that, but it never gets less unsettling. "Are you going?"
Dan frowns at Gabriel for a second, shifts a little to lie on his back, and stares at the ceiling. He can't see Gabriel out of the corner of his eye now. He can only see him when he looks straight-on, and it's decidedly unsettling. He's still there, just semi-transparent, more of a ghost than usual. "I don't know."
He pauses, frowning, and says after a moment, "I don't think I can move."
At the exact same second, Gabriel says, so his voice makes an eerie counterpoint to Dan's words, "Or is this a bad day for moving?"
They're both silent for a second, and then Gabriel shifts a little. Dan turns so he can actually see him, and finds Gabriel sprawled out on his stomach on the bed, head turned toward Dan on his folded arms. "Well, good. You know I don't like him anyway."
Dan smiles faintly, a little bitterly. He knows better than to listen to Gabriel's suggestions. That's how Diana ended up almost dying for... he doesn't even remember what time that was. That's how Natalie ended up dead, when Gabriel told her a little more to numb the pain couldn't hurt. It starts with him saying not to talk to Dr. Madden, and ends with a razor held to his wrist, blood on the tile floor and no one to clean it up.
One of these days, he really ought to stop paying attention to Gabriel. But today, and tomorrow, and for a while longer, he knows he's going to keep on listening.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 12:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 01:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 01:09 am (UTC)This? Owns my soul a little bit.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 01:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 01:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 01:29 pm (UTC)I've been in FEfic withdraw lately. Thank you!
"Some voice in the back of his head always tells him that if he doesn't like the way his figments look, he should do a better job of imagining them."
--LOVE That!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 05:33 pm (UTC)*Giggles* Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 03:31 pm (UTC)He pauses, frowning, and says after a moment, "I don't think I can move."
At the exact same second, Gabriel says, so his voice makes an eerie counterpoint to Dan's words, "Or is this a bad day for moving?"
This part? There were chills involved when I read it. For serious.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-13 05:35 pm (UTC)