FIC: In the Life of Friends
Dec. 27th, 2006 05:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
find_rightbrainTitle: In the Life of Friends
Characters/Pairing: Benny, Collins, mention of Mark, Roger, Alison and Mr. Grey
Word Count: 1770
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Benny and Collins had always been best friend – and always would be.
Notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanfic100 prompts #15, 30, 41, 47, 63 and 74 (not in order). I actually started it for speed_rent challenge #257, but... it took me too long. I kinda fail.
Disclaimer: Don't own Rent, Benny, Collins or any of the others. For that matter, this version of Collins is borrowed from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soscaredtolove.
"Tom," Benny whispered, keeping his voice low so that his mother wouldn't hear him from the other room and tell them to go to sleep for the twentieth time, the same thing that happened every time Tom slept over. There was a silence, and for a moment he thought Tom might be asleep, but of course he wasn't, and a second later he rolled over, dark eyes shining with the reflection of the half-light through the slightly open door. He didn't answer, just lay there on his side and watched Benny, waiting for whatever he had to say. For a moment, Benny didn't ask, uncertainly silent and somewhat awkward.
"You're always gonna be my best friend, right?" His voice was still a whisper, thin and small in the half-dark.
"That's a dumb question," Tom said decisively, and tugged on the covers. "You're hogging the blankets."
Benny rolled his eyes and pushed the blankets toward Tom, while the two of them fell silent again in the bed that was a little too big for a seven-year-old boy, but just right for a seven-year-old and a nine-year-old to share.
*
It wasn't unusual for Benny and Tom to end up at Benny's house, in Benny's room with the door locked, talking about absolutely nothing of any consequence. So it wasn't at all strange that they were today, Tom sprawled on the bed, Benny sitting at the chair at his desk, trying to do his algebra and (as always) failing at concentrating at all with his best friend in the room. At this point all the numbers had blurred into meaningless shapes on the paper.
He frowned as Tom pulled a joint out of his pocket, flailing at him with one hand. "No. Not in here."
"Why not? The door's locked."
"My mom'll smell it and kill me."
Tom complied and put it away, though not without a smile and a vaguely sardonic, "Your mother knows what pot smells like?"
Benny rolled his eyes and turned back to the equations scrawled on the paper in front of him. "You never know, with her."
"I don't even think your mom's home," Tom added, and Benny just rolled his eyes, ignoring him.
For a while neither of them spoke, the only sound Benny's pencil scratching against the paper, until Tom said slowly, "Hey, Benny?" Benny made a noncommittal noise, still staring down at his paper, but apparently Collins took that as encouragement enough to go on. "There's something I've been meaning to say for a while now, and I thought you should be the first one to know."
Benny stopped and turned around immediately, eyebrows raised. There were a lot of things they talked about that weren't important, that didn't mean anything, conversations he didn't have to pay much attention to, but when Tom got a tone like that, Benny knew it was important – he paid attention to that tone. "What is it?"
Tom didn't beat around the bush or hesitate – he never did – just said simply, "I'm gay."
Benny stared back at him for a minute before laughing softly. "Are you... are you serious? I've known that forever." He stopped and frowned, adding after a moment, "Wait, you're not in love with me or anything, are you?"
This time, Tom laughed, giving Benny a look as if he thought him a little crazy. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
He shrugged. "I don't know... You wanna help me with this algebra?"
"I really don't," Tom said, pushing himself off the bed, "but I will anyway."
*
"You're going to come visit me every now and then, aren't you?" Benny asked, feeling silly for asking such a thing – it sounded pathetic and clingy, but the idea of Tom going off to school without him bothered him. He'd known it was going to happen eventually, of course, with Tom two years older than him, but now that his best friend was actually leaving... He'd been pretending, all summer, that it wasn't
"Hello no," Tom said, but it was with a smile. "You come to visit me. In the city."
Benny smiled a little in return – a bit forced, because even with the idea of visiting Tom in the city, he still wouldn't see him every day the way he had for almost all his life, since they were both in elementary school. "Alright. Fine." He stood there for a moment longer, scuffing his foot awkwardly on the ground and not really looking at Tom except out of the corner of his eye. Then again, he knew if he wanted to say anything before Tom left, he ought to do it now, because in a minute or two Tom would have to get on the train and leave...
He couldn't think of anything to say.
In the end, he didn't really have to. Tom held out one arm, and Benny lifted his head, looked at him for only a second before stepping forward and throwing his arms around his friend, hugging him tightly that one last time before Tom left. Tom hugged him back, one of those tight, comfortable bear-hugs Benny was so used to, and that really said everything either of them had to say.
*
"You're... what?" Benny asked, freezing as his breath caught in his chest. He refused to believe what Tom had just said, refused to believe that he was actually... No. No, that wasn't right, these things didn't happen to Tom. Tom was immortal and indestructible, Tom was stable and safe, Tom was the person you went to when everything else went to hell. Bad things did not happen to Tom.
And as always, Tom was direct and to the point, and he didn't hesitate to speak. He wasn't exactly looking at Benny, though, as he said softly, gently, "I'm HIV positive." The way he said it, it seemed almost as if he were more worried about upsetting Benny than upset himself. After a moment, he looked up at Benny and sighed, "Breathe, Benny."
He listened, taking a deep, shuddering breath and shaking his head slowly. He couldn't think of anything to say, so he just stood there and tried to remember to breathe. In and out, in and out. Steady. Calm. He could do that. Except that Tom had been his friend since they were both kids, and he was the only person on earth Benny had ever felt completely safe with, and now...
"What'd they... say?" he asked softly, and somehow Tom understood what he was asking.
"A year. Maybe two."
Benny's heart dropped into his stomach, and he had to fight back tears. He wasn't doing very well, but managed to keep his voice mostly steady. "Do you believe them?"
Tom was a realist, Tom didn't generally hold out insane, false hope, but nevertheless, he answered, "No."
*
"I'm not selling out," Benny said a little disdainfully, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders and glancing back at Tom. His friend sat on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table and quietly regarding Benny with something... not quite reproving, but close. Close enough that Benny sighed and turned away from him once more, shaking his head. Mark and Roger kept telling him he was selling out, going out with Alison, making deals with her father... He could ignore them, but it was hard to ignore it when Tom started telling him the same thing – not in so many words, but Benny knew how to read the looks and the silences.
"I'm not," he repeated firmly. "Do I look like one of them?" As he asked the question, he turned around and spread his arms, giving Tom a reproving look of his own. It wasn't like he'd changed any since all of this started – he still wore the same clothes, for God's sake, the same blue and yellow jacket he'd had since college, it wasn't like he was wearing a suit or anything. He wasn't selling out, he just... liked Alison, and if making deals with her father would make life easy for them all, why not?
He didn't like the way Tom was eying him, though, or the long pause between the question and the answer. When he finally did answer, Benny liked that even less.
"No. You don't look like one of them. But you're starting to act like it."
Benny sighed and turned away again, hurrying out the door.
*
It wasn't Maureen's protest that really bothered him that night, nor was it Mark and Roger's stubborn refusal to listen to reason. He'd expected that of them – of Maureen, of Mark, of Roger. It was the way they all were, and although he'd hoped they might relent, he wasn't surprised that they hadn't.
What bothered him was that when he saw Tom in the loft, when he went to hug him, Tom didn't hug him back, simply raised his hands and stepped back. That hurt more than any words from his other former roommates could have, and while Benny knew forgiveness would be waiting should he turn around and make amends, the fact that he was stepping away here, now, was like a knife to his heart.
*
Benny sat beside Tom's bed, glancing at the walls, the ceiling, the hospital machinery and anything or everything but Tom himself. It hurt too much, because he didn't look like himself. He didn't look like the boy who'd used to sleep over at Benny's house, or the kid who'd helped him with algebra homework, the one who'd welcomed him into his apartment when Benny got out of college or the friend who'd tried to let him know when he started doing the wrong thing. He looked too frail, too... mortal. But he had to look at him, eventually, because it was Tom, and because he wouldn't be there all that much longer anyway.
Automatically, Benny reached out and grabbed Tom's hand, smiling slightly at him while Tom smiled tiredly back. Benny's smile wavered, looking at him, tears starting in his eyes.
"Hey," Tom said softly, "I'm not dead yet."
Benny forced a smile. "Yeah. I know." He paused, and then asked softly, "Hey, Tom?"
"Yeah?"
"You're always gonna be my best friend, right?"
It was a question he'd asked many times over the course of their lives, less and less as they got older. This was the first time Tom gave him an actual answer. "Of course."
Characters/Pairing: Benny, Collins, mention of Mark, Roger, Alison and Mr. Grey
Word Count: 1770
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Benny and Collins had always been best friend – and always would be.
Notes: Written for
fanfic100 prompts #15, 30, 41, 47, 63 and 74 (not in order). I actually started it for speed_rent challenge #257, but... it took me too long. I kinda fail.Disclaimer: Don't own Rent, Benny, Collins or any of the others. For that matter, this version of Collins is borrowed from
soscaredtolove."Tom," Benny whispered, keeping his voice low so that his mother wouldn't hear him from the other room and tell them to go to sleep for the twentieth time, the same thing that happened every time Tom slept over. There was a silence, and for a moment he thought Tom might be asleep, but of course he wasn't, and a second later he rolled over, dark eyes shining with the reflection of the half-light through the slightly open door. He didn't answer, just lay there on his side and watched Benny, waiting for whatever he had to say. For a moment, Benny didn't ask, uncertainly silent and somewhat awkward.
"You're always gonna be my best friend, right?" His voice was still a whisper, thin and small in the half-dark.
"That's a dumb question," Tom said decisively, and tugged on the covers. "You're hogging the blankets."
Benny rolled his eyes and pushed the blankets toward Tom, while the two of them fell silent again in the bed that was a little too big for a seven-year-old boy, but just right for a seven-year-old and a nine-year-old to share.
It wasn't unusual for Benny and Tom to end up at Benny's house, in Benny's room with the door locked, talking about absolutely nothing of any consequence. So it wasn't at all strange that they were today, Tom sprawled on the bed, Benny sitting at the chair at his desk, trying to do his algebra and (as always) failing at concentrating at all with his best friend in the room. At this point all the numbers had blurred into meaningless shapes on the paper.
He frowned as Tom pulled a joint out of his pocket, flailing at him with one hand. "No. Not in here."
"Why not? The door's locked."
"My mom'll smell it and kill me."
Tom complied and put it away, though not without a smile and a vaguely sardonic, "Your mother knows what pot smells like?"
Benny rolled his eyes and turned back to the equations scrawled on the paper in front of him. "You never know, with her."
"I don't even think your mom's home," Tom added, and Benny just rolled his eyes, ignoring him.
For a while neither of them spoke, the only sound Benny's pencil scratching against the paper, until Tom said slowly, "Hey, Benny?" Benny made a noncommittal noise, still staring down at his paper, but apparently Collins took that as encouragement enough to go on. "There's something I've been meaning to say for a while now, and I thought you should be the first one to know."
Benny stopped and turned around immediately, eyebrows raised. There were a lot of things they talked about that weren't important, that didn't mean anything, conversations he didn't have to pay much attention to, but when Tom got a tone like that, Benny knew it was important – he paid attention to that tone. "What is it?"
Tom didn't beat around the bush or hesitate – he never did – just said simply, "I'm gay."
Benny stared back at him for a minute before laughing softly. "Are you... are you serious? I've known that forever." He stopped and frowned, adding after a moment, "Wait, you're not in love with me or anything, are you?"
This time, Tom laughed, giving Benny a look as if he thought him a little crazy. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"
He shrugged. "I don't know... You wanna help me with this algebra?"
"I really don't," Tom said, pushing himself off the bed, "but I will anyway."
"You're going to come visit me every now and then, aren't you?" Benny asked, feeling silly for asking such a thing – it sounded pathetic and clingy, but the idea of Tom going off to school without him bothered him. He'd known it was going to happen eventually, of course, with Tom two years older than him, but now that his best friend was actually leaving... He'd been pretending, all summer, that it wasn't
"Hello no," Tom said, but it was with a smile. "You come to visit me. In the city."
Benny smiled a little in return – a bit forced, because even with the idea of visiting Tom in the city, he still wouldn't see him every day the way he had for almost all his life, since they were both in elementary school. "Alright. Fine." He stood there for a moment longer, scuffing his foot awkwardly on the ground and not really looking at Tom except out of the corner of his eye. Then again, he knew if he wanted to say anything before Tom left, he ought to do it now, because in a minute or two Tom would have to get on the train and leave...
He couldn't think of anything to say.
In the end, he didn't really have to. Tom held out one arm, and Benny lifted his head, looked at him for only a second before stepping forward and throwing his arms around his friend, hugging him tightly that one last time before Tom left. Tom hugged him back, one of those tight, comfortable bear-hugs Benny was so used to, and that really said everything either of them had to say.
"You're... what?" Benny asked, freezing as his breath caught in his chest. He refused to believe what Tom had just said, refused to believe that he was actually... No. No, that wasn't right, these things didn't happen to Tom. Tom was immortal and indestructible, Tom was stable and safe, Tom was the person you went to when everything else went to hell. Bad things did not happen to Tom.
And as always, Tom was direct and to the point, and he didn't hesitate to speak. He wasn't exactly looking at Benny, though, as he said softly, gently, "I'm HIV positive." The way he said it, it seemed almost as if he were more worried about upsetting Benny than upset himself. After a moment, he looked up at Benny and sighed, "Breathe, Benny."
He listened, taking a deep, shuddering breath and shaking his head slowly. He couldn't think of anything to say, so he just stood there and tried to remember to breathe. In and out, in and out. Steady. Calm. He could do that. Except that Tom had been his friend since they were both kids, and he was the only person on earth Benny had ever felt completely safe with, and now...
"What'd they... say?" he asked softly, and somehow Tom understood what he was asking.
"A year. Maybe two."
Benny's heart dropped into his stomach, and he had to fight back tears. He wasn't doing very well, but managed to keep his voice mostly steady. "Do you believe them?"
Tom was a realist, Tom didn't generally hold out insane, false hope, but nevertheless, he answered, "No."
"I'm not selling out," Benny said a little disdainfully, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders and glancing back at Tom. His friend sat on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table and quietly regarding Benny with something... not quite reproving, but close. Close enough that Benny sighed and turned away from him once more, shaking his head. Mark and Roger kept telling him he was selling out, going out with Alison, making deals with her father... He could ignore them, but it was hard to ignore it when Tom started telling him the same thing – not in so many words, but Benny knew how to read the looks and the silences.
"I'm not," he repeated firmly. "Do I look like one of them?" As he asked the question, he turned around and spread his arms, giving Tom a reproving look of his own. It wasn't like he'd changed any since all of this started – he still wore the same clothes, for God's sake, the same blue and yellow jacket he'd had since college, it wasn't like he was wearing a suit or anything. He wasn't selling out, he just... liked Alison, and if making deals with her father would make life easy for them all, why not?
He didn't like the way Tom was eying him, though, or the long pause between the question and the answer. When he finally did answer, Benny liked that even less.
"No. You don't look like one of them. But you're starting to act like it."
Benny sighed and turned away again, hurrying out the door.
It wasn't Maureen's protest that really bothered him that night, nor was it Mark and Roger's stubborn refusal to listen to reason. He'd expected that of them – of Maureen, of Mark, of Roger. It was the way they all were, and although he'd hoped they might relent, he wasn't surprised that they hadn't.
What bothered him was that when he saw Tom in the loft, when he went to hug him, Tom didn't hug him back, simply raised his hands and stepped back. That hurt more than any words from his other former roommates could have, and while Benny knew forgiveness would be waiting should he turn around and make amends, the fact that he was stepping away here, now, was like a knife to his heart.
Benny sat beside Tom's bed, glancing at the walls, the ceiling, the hospital machinery and anything or everything but Tom himself. It hurt too much, because he didn't look like himself. He didn't look like the boy who'd used to sleep over at Benny's house, or the kid who'd helped him with algebra homework, the one who'd welcomed him into his apartment when Benny got out of college or the friend who'd tried to let him know when he started doing the wrong thing. He looked too frail, too... mortal. But he had to look at him, eventually, because it was Tom, and because he wouldn't be there all that much longer anyway.
Automatically, Benny reached out and grabbed Tom's hand, smiling slightly at him while Tom smiled tiredly back. Benny's smile wavered, looking at him, tears starting in his eyes.
"Hey," Tom said softly, "I'm not dead yet."
Benny forced a smile. "Yeah. I know." He paused, and then asked softly, "Hey, Tom?"
"Yeah?"
"You're always gonna be my best friend, right?"
It was a question he'd asked many times over the course of their lives, less and less as they got older. This was the first time Tom gave him an actual answer. "Of course."
angelluver
Date: 2007-01-23 02:47 am (UTC)Re: angelluver
Date: 2007-01-23 02:53 am (UTC)And yes, as a matter of fact, I am gay. What of it?